For those who struggle with codependency, the act of walking in their own shoes does not feel practical or safe.   The spiral to codependency is built on experiences that stifle self-care or getting needs met.  Cloaked in “not good enough”, too many disappointments “confirm” an emerging feeling of inadequacy.   Focusing on everyone else’s needs becomes eminent to shield the pain, and so a pattern of outward living begins, based on all the roles you play for others.

Most often, and not surprisingly, co-dependents will find themselves in relationship with narcissists, those who have and exaggerated sense of self-importance and are fixated only on getting their needs met, no matter the impact to others.  Because a co-dependent learned long ago their needs are not important and did not have an opportunity to develop any methods for asking for and getting their needs met, this combination reinforces what has always been known.  This cycle and pattern of relationships will continue indefinitely until the pain of being codependent outweighs the pain of addressing the underlying history that created this coping mechanism.

Walking a mile in your own shoes.   How many miles have you walked? Do you see that in those shoes you mattered to you?  Your strength, your energy, your tenacity made every step possible.  Imagine for a moment, applying your skills of meeting needs…to yourself…..

Take a deep breath.   Review your need meeting skills.   Your ingenuity.  Your dedication.  And turn that inward.   Ask yourself, with all this knowledge:

Can you meet your own needs?

Are you in relationships that will celebrate with you the importance of self-care?

When asking yourself what you are afraid of, do the answers awaken you to the old facts that have kept you stuck?

The origins of codependency are sad indeed. Those origins are in the past.  The pattern you have engaged in to remain what you were relegated to no longer serves you.     Begin to focus on your path, walking in your own shoes, step by step – small or in leaps and bounds and:

Seek help from a licensed experienced impactful Life coach, Counselor, healer.  Find someone in your community or reach out to one of our Guides and Gurus – strong women who want to stand beside you on your journey.

Begin an active recognition of supporters and detractors to your healing.

Love yourself as you have loved others.  It is not selfish, it will heal you in time. 

You really are already a woman beyond breaking, you just don’t know it yet.